Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
