I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
