Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
