dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
