yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
