it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
