I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
