woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
