Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
