Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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