and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
