Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
