Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
