some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
