Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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