It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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