How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You are the jesus of drinking
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
