im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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