There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
