i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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