took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
