the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
