she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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