I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
