i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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