And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
