My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
