Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
