his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
