I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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