My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
