I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
