lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
