Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
