i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
