the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
