just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
