we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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