T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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