Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hate all girls vehemently.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
