was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
