rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
