she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
