This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
