oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
that is very illegal...i love you.
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