I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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