So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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