dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
