Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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