How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
