it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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